I used to dream of becoming a saint one day. In fact, I keep a quasi library full of books about my favorite saints and various books about our faith and the Church. I love and admire all the saints, especially my favorite ones.
Little by little, though, I have come to the bitter truth that, maybe, I can only be a big fan of my favorite saints, admiring them from afar, but never to be like one of them. I saw myself as a terrible far cry from my beloved saints that for a time, I stopped going to daily Holy Mass, convinced that I was not worthy. My mind had never been in such darkness and confusion since I stopped going to daily Mass. I was living every day of my life without a sense of direction and purpose. But I always felt moved to hear the Wednesday Mass with the Novena to our Mother of Perpetual Help. It was like there was a force moving me to hear Mass on a Wednesday. Every novena, I prayed to our Mother of Perpetual Help for all spiritual and material graces that I and my family needed. And it always amazed me how solicitous and magnanimous our Mother of Perpetual Help was in providing all our necessities. Every time I heard the said Wednesday Mass, it gave me a feeling of comfort and peace that I thought the Enemy must be succeeding in preventing me from going to daily Mass by giving me all sorts of apprehensions and doubts. All those times that I was not going to daily Mass, my heart and mind were like plunged in darkness. I had no clear idea of God. I just knew that I was and would always be completely dependent on Him. That one Wednesday Mass felt so good, it dispelled all my grief and doubts about being loved by God.
The Holy Mass is the One Sacrifice of Jesus Christ as the Atoning Victim to the Father for the sins of humanity which we celebrate over and over in memorial of that One Sacrifice. Jesus is the active and prime Doer, Who bestows on us every spiritual and material benefit that we need. And I am like a sick patient in need of God’s healing. The Holy Mass is truly my efficacious and potent vitamin which I need to take daily. It gives me strength of mind and spirit and fills me with all hope in the love and mercy of God for a terrible sinner like me. Whatever we are, no matter how grievous our sins are, God’s timing and action in our souls, when and as He sees fitting, will never be amiss. Like the song goes, “I will be still, know You are God.”