When I started this blog, I thought of sharing my very own experiences with God since I was a child up to the present. Being neither a theologian nor a bible scholar, I can only tell about what I personally experience about and with God. All my life, God has been my relief and refuge in all the vicissitudes of life. Thus, I had the utmost confidence of telling the world that only God can heal and give meaning to our life.
God must have the most profound sense of humor because I find that every time I venture into something that has got to do with Him, feeling smug and overconfident that I finally figured Him out, He would try something different on me that will completely foil my spiritual endeavors. Just when I thought I had all the mysteries of life and the human psyche figured out, God would again and again come up with something different to confound me with. It sounds very much like God, Someone I cannot put inside a box of my self-made images of Him.
Just lately, it’s been an emotional roller coaster ride for me. I have a very strong sense of right and wrong. But I could not get a handle on my emotions. I felt like a beggar, with no pride at all. I could not recognize myself anymore, like all my moral foundation was laid to waste. I felt terrible. I thought suddenly, this could go on forever, or I could choose to put a stop to it right now.
Like our spiritual mother St. Teresa of Avila said, “I will begin anew today.” I will do it. God help me.